For the past 4 years, the thumbs on both of my hands have caused me pain. I've treated them with Advil, ice, and even bought an ugly, uncomfortable thumb brace in pursuit of relief. The entire time, my husband has encouraged me to go to a doctor to figure out the cause of the progressive pain. Instead of taking his wise advice, I continued to handle it on my own. Until last week.
I realized the pain had become chronic and figured it was time to get my hands checked out. So, I made an appointment with a local orthopedic physician who specializes in hands and wrists. Within minutes of him walking into the exam room, he told me that I have thumb arthritis in both hands. At this point he hadn’t even examined me. He said it was obvious because the thumb bones on both sides of my hands were protruding. I felt a catch in my throat as I tried to digest what he just said. After he looked at both of my hands, he ordered x-rays. Standard procedure, no doubt. While moving my hands around on a metal plate was uncomfortable, I was hopeful the x-rays would somehow prove he’d made a mistake.
While I was taken back to the exam room, waiting for the do to reappear with what I hoped would be a better diagnosis, I quietly prayed, “Lord, I trust You.”
Please allow me to back up a bit. On my way to this appointment, I received an email from my agent with an offer for a book contract on one of my books. Y’all, this was a HUGE deal. I’d been praying for years that I would one day receive this news—that a publisher wants to buy and publish one of my books.
So, on the day I get a wonderful answer to a fervent prayer, I also received a discouraging diagnosis. The physician entered the room and told me that after examining the X-rays, I have severe arthritis in both thumbs. The solution? Shots in my hands but eventual surgery on both of them.
After receiving steroid shots in each thumb joint, and boy did it hurt, I headed home. Honestly, I was a bit in disbelief since I hadn’t seen the X-rays myself. I thought, God will surely fix this, even if it means these shots are how He chooses to do so. The doctor mentioned that my hands might hurt that night but to manage it with Advil. He assured me that in two weeks, I’d be pain-free, and as long as the shots lasted more than four months, I could prolong surgery.
The pain in my thumbs increased dramatically that evening and continued for another day. After the dull ache began to subside a bit, I started experiencing sharp, shooting pain in both hands, up the thumbs and down into the wrists. This would occur when I’d pull my debit card out of my wallet, opening my blinds, folding laundry, you get the idea. Forget about typing or writing. That would aggravate both thumbs tremendously.
Once again, I scheduled another appointment with the doctor, at my loving husband’s request. As the physician examined my hands once more, he was perplexed by my symptoms that have worsened since receiving the injections. According to him, he’s only had 2 or 3 other patients who reacted adversely to the shots, and he’s performed thousands of them. Of course, I am now person number 3 or 4. He prescribed a steroid pack and Celebrex to hopefully help. He suggested that I begin to think about surgery sooner rather than later. Not what I wanted to hear.
On the way out, he called me over to look at his computer monitor which displayed the X-rays of my hands. Y’all, it was a reality check. Seeing my bones, out of place, with no cartilage between them, while listening to him explain that both of my thumbs are bone on bone which is the source of the pain was disheartening. I left the office with a sadness hanging over me and a heaviness in my heart.
Now, I know it could be so much worse. So, on my drive home, I thanked the Lord that even though I don’t want to undergo surgery, a solution does exist. I thanked Him that He created me, fearfully and wonderfully according to Psalm 139, and He knew what was going on in my body before any doctor could tell me. And if He knew, He had it in control. Now, I currently have a deadline to finish writing a couple of projects, and whether my hands hurt or not, I need to keep working. So, I thank the Lord for the grace and strength to continue the work He has set before me. I thank Him for talk-to-text on my computer as another option to write. I thank Him that even when it hurts, my doctor assured me that using my hands won’t make anything worse because they are already as bad as they can get.
Reflecting on the timing of receiving an amazing answer to prayer, and a diagnosis I did not want, I realize that every time the Lord shows up and shows out in a big way for us, the enemy will do anything he can to disrupt the delight the Lord brings to our hearts. He doesn't want us to doubt that God can be trusted in difficult times.
There was a time when I would’ve left that initial visit with the arthritis diagnosis so discouraged, and probably even tearful. But if I have learned anything by traversing adversity it is this: God is good. I can trust Him. He has good plans for me. He will help me. He will not fail.
If you are struggling today, please be encouraged that our God, who formed you in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139), sees you, He hears you, He knows what you’re going through, and He cares. Pour out your heart in prayer to Him. Let Him know how you feel. Get it off your chest. Then, after venting, resolve to trust that He is good. The promises of Jeremiah 29:11 are true, even when it may not feel like it. God has plans to prosper you, not harm you. To give you hope and a future. I pray that your current trial fuels your faith and strengthens your resolve to trust the Lord at all times.
If this resonates, I’d love to hear from you. Please shoot me an email at dawn@dawnwallis.com
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